Saturday, January 31, 2009

Another Three Questions

My friend is smart is started a blog strictly about her pregnancy, which in hindsight, I probably should have done, but didn't. Oh well.

Anyway, she has 2 posts about questions that people tend to ask when you are pregnant. The post entitled "The Three Questions" answers the most obvious first questions:
1. When are you due?
2. Are you going to find out if you're having a boy or a girl?
3. Have you picked out names?

Okay, these are acceptable questions. My answers (in case you didn't know yet): 1. April 30, 2. no, 3. yes - but we're not telling). She then had another post entitled "The Other Three Questions," which revealed another set of frequent questions asked:

1. Are you going back to work next year?
2. Well, who's going to watch your kid?
3. Are you getting a new car?

Again, these are acceptable questions. My answers: 1. yes - full-time, 2. family and a wonderful neighbor, 3. my car is only 4 years old and John's has seen better days. We might get a new one for him, but we may even wait until the Fall to do that.

But there are another 3 questions that I have been asked more than once that tend to annoy me because they are a little more personal, and if the inquirer doesn't agree with your answer, they let you know. Here they are:

1. Are you going to have a natural birth?
This question is frustrating, because as a person in the medical field, the term "natural birth" refers to NO DRUGS. Most of the time, I think that people are asking if you are planning a C-section or not. Here's my plan - I am doing what I can do. And although I know that millions of women over the past hundreds of years went through childbirth with no help from the miracle of the epidural - I am totally opting for it! I am not going to be one of those mothers-to-be who completely refuses to try to have a vaginal birth. And on the other hand, I am not going to fight with the doctor if at some point in the labor I am told that a C-section is what I should do. Call me crazy, but I actually want to have the experience of childbirth - it's what our bodies are made for. But like I said before, if the baby is breech, if labor doesn't advance, if the heartbeat becomes erratic, I will totally comply with a C-section.

2. When are you going to stop working?
Um - as soon as the baby comes. I guess there are women who will voluntarily start their maternity leave before the due date. To do what? I am not totally sure. My answer to this question goes like this: "I hope that my water breaks at the hospital (work), that way I don't have to clean it up and there isn't a mess at my house." Again, if for some reason, the doctor is concerned and says that I have to stop working earlier, I will be compliant. Otherwise, my plan is to work until the last possible second.

3. Are you going to breastfeed?
This is totally a personal question. And if you glance at my registry - you'll know the answer. So, yes - I do plan to breastfeed. It's my decision. There are people who are totally grossed out by the thought, and I respect that, but don't react like you are totally disgusted with my choice if you think that strongly about the issue when you are the one who asked me. The most annoying thing about this question are the follow-ups:

How long are you going to breastfeed? Well, my goal would be the whole first year, but with working full-time and having to pump at work during a crazy schedule may present a challenge. If I can get to 6 months, I will be very happy, if I can go the first full year, that would be optimal. I have even had people say to me: Please don't breastfeed past 6 months (or other increments of time). Again - it's my decision. I do think that it is kinda gross when the child asks for the "booby," which I have heard of...I don't plan on going that far.

A little advice to people who are asking pregnant women questions - if you have a stand on a certain issue that you are asking and you have strong feelings about it - DON'T ASK IT! It's not fun to feel like others totally disagree with your plans on birth and motherhood.

8 comments:

Becky said...

AMEN!

I think it is good to have goals and a plan (for labor, work, and breastfeeding); however, it is good to be flexible. I remember telling my OB that I'd like to try to go as far as possible w/o drugs, but that I didn't need to be a rock star. She thought that was a good attitude. Drugs can provide rest during labor. I needed some just to help me clear my head and decide whether or not I was going to try a spinal during my c-section or wanted to go completely under.

You have a wonderful attitude. I wish you all the best. And promise not to ask about breastfeeding!

Jill said...

Now that you mention it, I have received the breastfeeding question on multiple occasions. I don't know why people are grossed out by it. Seems so strange to me...And your dr can't ask you to leave work early. It's illegal.

SARAH said...

Pregnancy and motherhood can be a landmine of unsolicited advice, huh?. It largely amuses me, but sometimes, especially if patients ask me stuff, I shortly say, "We'll see!" Like, "Shutup already!"

Ok, I did have people ask me if I was going to breastfeed, but I never had anyone ask HOW LONG. And I can't believe someone told you NOT to past 6 months! Um, that's what the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends, if possible. But that's besides the point, which is: it's no one's business!

I think your approach is awesome. You're educated and flexible. The "let's see what happens" approach without "supermom" expectations resulted in a wonderful L&D for me. It's the women with the typed out birth plans who FLIP OUT if they have to deviate from it.

I'm also psyched you're going back to work full time. Having mom friends who work inspires me. NOT that there's ANYTHING wrong staying at home.

I just looked at your registry and I love everything you picked out! The Deco design is adorable! I think you're going to love the Freestyle pump, although getting a little tired of each other at this point! If you don't get if as a gift, it's much cheaper ($285) at www.addalittlelove.com

I want belly pictures!

Also, I will no longer be your friend if you don't breastfeed for a year. :)

Carla said...

Becky, Jill, and Sarah - thanks for your support in my birth and nursing plans! It's nice to know that my friends are not judgemental!

Sarah - I will try not to disappoint you and go the full year (or at least that's what I will tell you!). Hee, hee!

Love and miss you guys!

Caroline said...

#4 question: When is your baby shower? Are people from Ohio invited?!

Carla said...

c-line! would you seriously venture to the burgh for the event? you are totally invited! it's march 22...invites will be out at the end of the month.

Haley said...

How about this question: "Were you trying?"

Caroline said...

I would venture to Pittsburgh. That is the end of my spring break, so I could go visit my relatives too. And that's almost your birthday! The least I could do is send a present!